Sat
Nov
22
“ These are the days after the digging and burying. This is the part
where I stop running and fight every part of myself to slowly turn
around and look into the mirror. This is where I fight to feel, where
the ones that I love get clawed up in the process and my heart has to
learn how to apologize. It has to learn how to allow itself to be
weak and vulnerable as opposed to calloused and hostile. These are the
days that I have to choose healing. True healing, holistically and not
just where it hurts less. When we spend our lives trying preserve
ourselves, trying to escape, we build a dam. Sooner or later we have
to let it out, and the fear of that process knocked me down face first
in the mud time after time. My fear came from the belief that such a
weight would crush me, that feeling such pain after years of apathy
would kill me, and the unknown. What would happen to my heart if I let
it feel these things? What vices would I turn to this time? Would the
blow of such a burden wipe me out, put the running shoes back on my
feet…break me?
yes.
it would.
it will.
break me.
it will break me so that the parts that healed wrong from being
ignored so long might have a second chance.
it will hurt my heart so that it may heal.
peroxide. TWLOHA
where I stop running and fight every part of myself to slowly turn
around and look into the mirror. This is where I fight to feel, where
the ones that I love get clawed up in the process and my heart has to
learn how to apologize. It has to learn how to allow itself to be
weak and vulnerable as opposed to calloused and hostile. These are the
days that I have to choose healing. True healing, holistically and not
just where it hurts less. When we spend our lives trying preserve
ourselves, trying to escape, we build a dam. Sooner or later we have
to let it out, and the fear of that process knocked me down face first
in the mud time after time. My fear came from the belief that such a
weight would crush me, that feeling such pain after years of apathy
would kill me, and the unknown. What would happen to my heart if I let
it feel these things? What vices would I turn to this time? Would the
blow of such a burden wipe me out, put the running shoes back on my
feet…break me?
yes.
it would.
it will.
break me.
it will break me so that the parts that healed wrong from being
ignored so long might have a second chance.
it will hurt my heart so that it may heal.
peroxide. TWLOHA
